You Don't Out-think Yourself

Woke up this morning with a irresistable urge to write. It has been hard to contribute to the blog. Tried to start one a week back on the subject of "happiness" but could not find the conviction or honesty to complete that. NotTheFirstPirate is definitely not the person to turn to for consult on happiness. The topics of this blog are 2 of my favourite subjects. I am going to expound my thoughts this morning on the matter of "thinking" and "hoping".

A close friend has expressed doubt and frustration on his efforts to escape Singapore. He feels there is so much uncertainty and difficulties placed in his path to leave our country. The excruciating dull of waiting for things to move, to happen, makes the doubt and fear even more pronunced and unbearable. Hopefully this post can serve to be an encouragement and guiding light to him and all those struggling to escape. I also hope in weeks/months/years to come, I can revisit what I am going to write here to find strength and sense to continue my journey out of Singapore.

I think this line from a movie summarizes the meaning of life, the reason for living, rather succintly. "Life is not measured by minutes, but by moments". Somehow, for lots of people, myself included, it is often the reverse. The purpose of existence can be condensed into quantifiable units of dollars and cents, of hours and minutes. Everything needs to be milked for all its worth. We want the best pay for the simplest job, the longest movie for the cheapest ticket. We want the best deal for our buck, regardless if we really need it or want it. This is the Singapore motto, our local warcry. The result? Less grace, less empathy, more unhappy Singaporeans.

There is an online poll on happiness conducted worldwide. The best examples of happiness are collected and posted on the polling site. Different people find happiness in a variety of things. One tells of his relief and joy of a negative cancer test just days short of his grandson's 1-year birthday. Another describes happiness as the thrill of landing the biggest fish of his life after a 5-hour wait with his rod. Interesting, there isn't an example of someone who made his first million after the latest market rally, or of a fresh graduate landing a job on Goldman's trading desk. Perhaps there are no Singaporeans polled here. But the point is that there is lots more to life to what we know. The world is a big, awesome place. There are sights and adventures out there beyond our wildest imagination or comprehension. There are other ways to live, other avenues to be happy. It's not better or worse. It's just different.

Like many living on this island, I was brought up to be a logical and thinking person. No whims or fancies. Only facts and results matter. My education, family and environment taught me to evaluate everything. Everything can and should be distilled to a simple equation. I form impressions of people I meet but hardly know and judge them upon it. I am cynical and mistrusting of things I hear and see. I construct a mental hierachial chart and peg people on it based on their job or background. My happiness or the lack of, is a relative thing. It's seldom about whether I am truly happy or satisfied. It's more about if I am happier or more satisfied than the next poor soul or lucky bastard beside me. I compare, contrast, envy and ostracize. This is a crude, even vulgar, way of life but I cannot help myself. It is ingrained into my very being to be as competitive and calculative as such. Be honest to yourself. How much of a me do you see in you?

Singapore is a great place to be in now, particularly in the midst of the chaos around the rest of the globe. We have relative stability and calm here. But to be complacent in this dull comfort and to stop thinking and seeing what is the real value of living, is akin to a frog sitting in a pot of cool water heating over a fire. It may be too late when we realise that we want to see more, to experience more and feel more of this big wide world. The realities of life will inevitably chain you to the shores of Singapore and you will be trapped before you know you are. And ironically, this will not be the greatest tragedy. The greater one will be not knowing what is possible, not living a life where every day can be a fresh beginning and each breath a new adventure.

Thinking and hoping makes me happy. Possibilities, despite its unfaithful nature, promise more than certainty. However, as indicated in the blog title, you cannot out-think yourself. From the limited vantage point of Singapore, it is near pointless to try to plan, predict and safeguard yourself from all the possible perils out there. Fortune favours the brave. Take a leap. It may not always be safe but hell, it's sure going to be fun.