The final steps are the hardest

Some people say that coincidences are God's way of remaining anonymous. If that is true, I think God is trying to tell me something. Over the space of days, I have 3 good friends that told me of their doubt to leave our shores, in 3 seperate incidents. Ironically, 2 of these friends have tried tirelessly to escape Singapore, only to lose steam and heart when the final steps to their departure beckon. Regardless of their final decision, I hope this piece can help them in some small way in reaching that.

Like reading a brochure about skydiving, the idea of doing it appeals more than the actual act itself. Words like "excitement" and "out of this world experience" jump out from the brochure to seduce and stir our desires. We envy the photos of elated customers posing with their jump instructors, holding up their fingers in victory signs. "I want a piece of that action. I want to be like them.", we would think to ourselves. Some will go as far as to put down a deposit for a dive next weekend. But the real test does not happen when you are signing the consent forms for the jump or writing the cheque to pay for the dive. The true examination of your inner most desire will only come when you have strapped on the parachute and hang from the edge of a 10,000 km vertical drop. "Is this what I really want? Is my parachute working? What will others think if I back out now? Will I get a refund if I do? Has anyone died of heart attack in the middle of a dive? ......". Hundreds of random thoughts or questions will scream in your mind. Your heart beats faster than ever before. Your mouth is dry and you feel cold despite the beads of perspiration forming at your brow. Your instructior is screaming at you over the roar of the rushing wind, urging you to jump. You are blocking the rest behind you. Time is ticking. Decision time. What do you do?

The final steps are sometimes the longest and toughest. At least in the skydiving example above, there is always someone egging you on to jump. The chaos happening around you up there will blank your mind and erase most but the most basic of thoughts like fear. It's easier somehow when you don't really have to think. In reality, it's a whole lot harder. Considerations and reconsiderations will complicate the issue, particularly if it's big and important decisions like leaving your homeland. Parents, money, kids, career and more, all of which are reasons to delay or cancel your plans to leave the relative safety and comfort of Singapore. You signed the forms, paid the fees but when it's time to make the leap, you may not find the strength and resolve.

I would want to offer some logical advice for one that is hestitating on the edge of a jump. I wish to ask him to revisit his original intentions and consider the virtues of his decision. I want to help him weigh the pros and cons of his decision and assure him that it is well-considered and that he is for the better in the long-run etc. However for someone that has only looked at the brochure but never signed a form or paid a dime, it will be inappropriate, even hypocritical, of me to advise the positives of leaping. It is difficult and risky. There are as many pitfalls as promises. You may be hurting those you love at the expense of your wunderlust, both financially and emotionally. There is even a possibility you have to return here eventually, defeated and broken. Although I have always preached hope and optimism in my previous entries, I have to concede the equivalent possibility of dismay and failure. You will never know until you try and if you think it's not worth your while to try, perhaps it is. Not trying, as much as trying is a choice and in time the choice that we make now will be the best justification for it and we live with the consequences of that choice . I see it more clearly now that the most balanced and accurate way to see leaving Singapore is to view it as a parity between pros and cons, filled with as many dangers as hope. It's a choice and it's your choice. You make it and live with it. Period.

Before I end, I would like to share an experience I had years back when I was travelling regularly for work. The perk of that job was the opportunity to travel, despite the miserly pay and frivolous work. I remember rather vividly a feeling I had as I sat in the waiting lounge of an American airport. It was the third transit for a 25-hr journey from Malaysia to the States and I was exhausted. As I sat in the chair, watching people rush along with their luggage and trollies, I felt a sense of ignorance and fear. I had little idea how long my transit was going to be, I was worried of losing my stuff if I fell asleep there (which I was cos I mis-timed taking my sleeping pills onboard) and have no idea who to approach if I had any problems. People were rushing from one point to another, everyone seemed to be walking with a sense of purpose and know-how, like they knew exactly what they were doing and where they are going. There were white people., black people, Asians and Africans. Despite feeling lost and confused, I felt a sense of wonder and excitement, I felt more alive than I had for a long time. It was as if in that moment, the enormity and diversity of the world stopped being a cliche I hear/see on National Geographic and become a reality for me. I felt I was given a glimpse of this real world and I wanted to see more, learn more and experience more. Somehow as years go by, I changed jobs and remained permanently in Singapore, that sense of wonder disappeared. I became more comfortable in my ignorance, more contented with my mediocrity. That connection I felt I wanted, even needed, became but a flippant child's dream, a naive fantasy I cannot afford.

Dreams are different for everyone and this is one of mine. For the better or worse, I want to try to jump. The "skydiving-style" of leaving Singapore is still out for me (yes, I am really a coward) but I will try in more subdued ways to rediscover that feeling I had years ago. The final steps are always the hardest in matters like this but I am glad that I have started taking the first few. Hopefully I will find the resolve to make the jump when I come to it.

Sigh, I really don't like heights.........

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You Don't Out-think Yourself

Woke up this morning with a irresistable urge to write. It has been hard to contribute to the blog. Tried to start one a week back on the subject of "happiness" but could not find the conviction or honesty to complete that. NotTheFirstPirate is definitely not the person to turn to for consult on happiness. The topics of this blog are 2 of my favourite subjects. I am going to expound my thoughts this morning on the matter of "thinking" and "hoping".

A close friend has expressed doubt and frustration on his efforts to escape Singapore. He feels there is so much uncertainty and difficulties placed in his path to leave our country. The excruciating dull of waiting for things to move, to happen, makes the doubt and fear even more pronunced and unbearable. Hopefully this post can serve to be an encouragement and guiding light to him and all those struggling to escape. I also hope in weeks/months/years to come, I can revisit what I am going to write here to find strength and sense to continue my journey out of Singapore.

I think this line from a movie summarizes the meaning of life, the reason for living, rather succintly. "Life is not measured by minutes, but by moments". Somehow, for lots of people, myself included, it is often the reverse. The purpose of existence can be condensed into quantifiable units of dollars and cents, of hours and minutes. Everything needs to be milked for all its worth. We want the best pay for the simplest job, the longest movie for the cheapest ticket. We want the best deal for our buck, regardless if we really need it or want it. This is the Singapore motto, our local warcry. The result? Less grace, less empathy, more unhappy Singaporeans.

There is an online poll on happiness conducted worldwide. The best examples of happiness are collected and posted on the polling site. Different people find happiness in a variety of things. One tells of his relief and joy of a negative cancer test just days short of his grandson's 1-year birthday. Another describes happiness as the thrill of landing the biggest fish of his life after a 5-hour wait with his rod. Interesting, there isn't an example of someone who made his first million after the latest market rally, or of a fresh graduate landing a job on Goldman's trading desk. Perhaps there are no Singaporeans polled here. But the point is that there is lots more to life to what we know. The world is a big, awesome place. There are sights and adventures out there beyond our wildest imagination or comprehension. There are other ways to live, other avenues to be happy. It's not better or worse. It's just different.

Like many living on this island, I was brought up to be a logical and thinking person. No whims or fancies. Only facts and results matter. My education, family and environment taught me to evaluate everything. Everything can and should be distilled to a simple equation. I form impressions of people I meet but hardly know and judge them upon it. I am cynical and mistrusting of things I hear and see. I construct a mental hierachial chart and peg people on it based on their job or background. My happiness or the lack of, is a relative thing. It's seldom about whether I am truly happy or satisfied. It's more about if I am happier or more satisfied than the next poor soul or lucky bastard beside me. I compare, contrast, envy and ostracize. This is a crude, even vulgar, way of life but I cannot help myself. It is ingrained into my very being to be as competitive and calculative as such. Be honest to yourself. How much of a me do you see in you?

Singapore is a great place to be in now, particularly in the midst of the chaos around the rest of the globe. We have relative stability and calm here. But to be complacent in this dull comfort and to stop thinking and seeing what is the real value of living, is akin to a frog sitting in a pot of cool water heating over a fire. It may be too late when we realise that we want to see more, to experience more and feel more of this big wide world. The realities of life will inevitably chain you to the shores of Singapore and you will be trapped before you know you are. And ironically, this will not be the greatest tragedy. The greater one will be not knowing what is possible, not living a life where every day can be a fresh beginning and each breath a new adventure.

Thinking and hoping makes me happy. Possibilities, despite its unfaithful nature, promise more than certainty. However, as indicated in the blog title, you cannot out-think yourself. From the limited vantage point of Singapore, it is near pointless to try to plan, predict and safeguard yourself from all the possible perils out there. Fortune favours the brave. Take a leap. It may not always be safe but hell, it's sure going to be fun.

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De-Globalizing Singapore

An interesting BBC report sounded over the radio as NotTheFirstPirate negotiated his way through rush-hour Shenton Way traffic. BBC reported a growing phenomenon around the world which they term as "de-globalization". NotTheFirstPirate found the report particularly interesting, especially in the context of Singapore. Is this finally an area where Singapore is going her own way, acting in contrary to global norms and throwing caution to the wind? Let us consider.

As the international economy contracts amidst the global recession, countries worldwide are reverting from their expansionary approach and are turning increasingly inward to look for a way out. China is betting on domestic demand to replace international drivers of the mainland's mammoth GDP. US and Europe are hypocritically closing their doors to foreign immigrants while re-emphasizing the importance of international free trade. Japan and other Asian nations are weaning themselves off the reliance on the greenback and refocusing their efforts to strengthen their own domestic currency and economy. The bull run of the past decade has ended and the myths of treasures in faraway lands banished for the moment. So in the face of a worldwide retreat from the global marketplace, what is our beloved city-state's reaction to this change?

Ironically, for a country where safety is sought in majority rather than facts, where convention is to follow rather than lead, Singapore is surprisingly diametric in her dealings with the rest of the world, especially with respect to immigration.

Singapore, especially in recent years, has become a preferred immigration destination for people from around the region. The hordes of China, Indian and Malaysian students flooding NUS or the multitude of "foreign talent" packing our MRT and shopping malls provide ample evidence for my assertion. As NotTheFirstPirate had already expounded, in previous entries, on the pressures these immigrants put on the original Singaporeans, the arguments will not be repeated here. Instead, a more constructive consideration will be to hypothesize reasons for this phenomenon and project possible consequences for it.

A quick comparison between immigration laws across several countries (Australia, USA, Canada etc) will confirm what most original Singaporeans have feared. Singapore has arguably the most lax immigrant requirements available internationally. While NotTheFirstPirate cannot profess to be an expert in immigrant law/requirements, it seems that the basic requirement for Permanent Residency in sunny Singapore is a monthly salary of $2500, barely the equivalent of the starting salary of a fresh graduate. Why is that considered foreign talent that Singapore badly needs when recipients of these PRs (which upon graduation from NUS/NTU will probably earn the $2500 required) could be precisely the people that are denying our local JC/Poly grads from a place in our local universities? Your guess is as good as mine.

An anecdote, related to me by a close friend American Tail, sums up the point pretty succinctly. American Tail's relative, let's call him MsiaMathsKid, just applied for Singapore PR. He is born in Malaysia, educated in Australia and currently works in Singapore. His ultimate purpose is to go back to Australia and is in fact working in Singapore temporarily to await the approval of his Australian PR. Meanwhile, whilst he is here, he decided to also apply for Singapore PR because it allows him to find a better paid job while in Singapore and more importantly, it is so damn easy to get one. But MsiaMathsKid has no desire to remain in Singapore. He does not intend to buy property or build a family or "give back" in any way to our city-state. Singapore to him is but a stepping stone, a rest-stop in his quest to finally migrate to his dream country, Australia. For someone who doesn't really want to be a Singaporean, who may probably deprive another Singaporean of a job, we are rewarding him with a PR nevertheless. There are many others like MsiaMathsKid. MumbaiItBoy, ShanghaiPhdGal, LondonIBMan to name but a few.

While "attracting foreign talent and investment" provides a great soundbite for a STB advert, are we doing the sensible thing by becoming a stop gap solution for migrants who aspire to be in US or Europe but who cannot as yet qualify? While some of these people will grow to like and eventually settle in Singapore, many of such immigrants will not hesitate for a second to pack up and leave once the path to their original destination becomes viable. Is it fair to subject the original Singaporeans, ones who will serve, protect and contribute to Singapore, to the additional pressures these temporary migrants bring? Can you blame Singaporeans from leaving a home who is no longer cares about being fair or gives a hoot to their well-being?

Before Singapore becomes a truly global city, albeit without the original Singaporeans, particularly in a time when the rest of the world is turning protectionistic to preserve the local community and its people, it may be advisable for Singapore to do what it does best. Shut up and follow.

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The S Factor

I think I have distilled the essence of my discontent in Singapore down to one overwhelming factor. SIZE.

Singapore is too small, home to a population that is too big, period. I think every single grievance I have of our red little dot can be attributed in some kind or form to this issue of size. Too small, too crowded, too fast, too expensive, too materialistic, too difficult, too much....the list goes on and I think size lies at the heart of the problems. Let me explain......

Singapore is currently already the 2nd most densely populated region in the world, according to this wiki list, and the most densely populated country. And this is before the population increases by another 2-2.5 million. Statistics aside, it doesn't take a genius to figure out that Singapore is too small for our comparatively gigantic population. Case in point, just take the MRT.

We always hear of the proverbial rat race in Singapore. Singaporeans lament about the impossibility to stop for a breather. But can we help it? I think in some way the relentless chase that we Singaporeans engage in with such fervor is more of a necessity than choice. The ironic thing is that the reason why many of our fellow "rats" are scrambling so desperately to get ahead is to finally be able to stop chasing. It is as if there is some fairytale ending at the end of the marathon, a promised land where everything will be better, an end that will justify the means, no matter how torturous the journey may be. By the way, FYI, the marathon is extended again and the marathon organizers are already thinking of shifting the finishing line. You run till you are 70 or older. Run on fellow rats.....

Some people will contend with my point of the end justifying the means. They will say that nowadays people are more concerned about the journey, not just the destination. The ones I am talking about belong to the older generation, younger Singaporeans are different. They have hopes, dreams, expectations about the life they want to lead. But that is exactly my point. When the promised land is little more than a facade, the journey painfully depressing, people will look for little conveniences, small perks to numb the pain. For instance, with the public transport system creaking under the sheer weight of the growing populating, people will look to private car ownership to provide some relief. Try going home after a long day of work using public transport. After 1 hour of sardine-packing on the trains and buses, you will quickly understand what I am saying. With car prices typically exceeding the average annual salary in Singapore, how can we stop running? Perhaps the only thing that still brings some satisfaction to the MRT commuter is the thought of the sucker stucked in his overpriced Toyota on the CTE with ERP gantry lights flashing above him. We can extend the same argument for property, children, parents etc. They are really relatively expensive here. All the more reasons for us to run faster and harder in this race. Necessity, not choice.

Size is central to this argument. Ever tried running in a marathon? When you are in the midst of the crowd that is pushing forward, it is impossible to go against the tide. This is the scenario we are in. The modest size of the economy, the scarcity of land and rescoures, the comparative undersupply of public goods all serves to inflate prices to an artificial high, from a global perspective. With the influx of immigrants adding to the crowd pushing forward, the momentum builds and fight to go against the tide becomes harder. To alleviate the problem, we need to either widen the road or reduce the number of runners, something the people-in-charge have not figured out. Flooding an already overcrowded economy with cheap labour is a cheap and brainless way to manage a country. To go the China or Indian way of "progress" just reeks of socialism. GDP increase does not translate into a better standard of living if it is achieved by increasing the hordes of slaves in your backyard.

So it is all bad in Singapore? Of course not. Singapore, like any other country, has it's good and bad. We have an exceedingly industrious, efficient and diligent population. We are traditionally more technically savvy than our global counterparts. We are cooperative and rule-abiding. Singapore ranks amongst the safest countries in the world. Kudos to the government for an education system that primes us for academic success probably anywhere else in the world. There is much good Singapore offers. But the fact remains that Singapore equips you to exceed everywhere else but here. From my personal experiences, Singaporeans are more valued overseas. Abroad, they are different, even extraordinary. Success comes easier for them out there, not because they tried harder or got luckier but simply because of what they are and what they represent, naturally. Over here, you are one of the many. Just another rat, from an oversized population in an undersized country.

In a world where everything needs to be in oversized proportions, seems like it is difficult to be truly contented if the oversizing happens only for one and not the other.

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Singapore Upside-Down

Just heard some depressing news from a friend recently. She has just gained admissions to a top business school in the States and has been running around to gather her funding sources for her studies. However, due to the turmoil in the credit markets, loans from the US for an alien like her is close to impossible and her US hope (as opposed to the Singapore dream) seems a tad more difficult now.

One may wonder why can't my friend borrow her funds locally? Before we answer that question, let us look at her available choices. Local banks will only lend up to 10 times of her current salary which will not be enough for her overseas education. With the US borrowing option out, that just leaves her with the trusty CPF. Unfortunately, the CPF Education Scheme cannot be used for overseas education. The reason provided by the CPF board is on the basis of risk. These are the exact words from the CPF website, "Local education at approved institutions is heavily subsidised by the Government. Students should thus be able to repay the CPF savings used. On the other hand, overseas education is very costly. If the student is unable to repay the CPF savings used in cash, it would have serious consequences on the parents' or his own retirement savings". This sounds like a "if you are not spending in Singapore, you cannot take your back your FD you have deposited with me" argument. If only we can choose when and where to make our deposit.....

I can provide anecdotes that will contradict the rationale of CPF's risk argument. I know of local grads that are getting paid less than $1500 (which is artificially propped up to $2500 - $2700 by MAS under some employment scheme with our tax money) in our prized financial sector or architects that graduated with equivalent masters degree earning less than $2000 in their first job. The typical undergraduate/graduate education in Singapore is therefore expensive, thus risky, with respect to the expected return from that education. The fact that the government is a baseline guarantee for that return, therefore capping the risk involved, is of little consolation since the marketplace for professionals is increasingly global and the entrance of foreign "talent" into our tiny job market resembles that of a broken dam.

But instead of quoting statistics, I would like to offer a personal point of view in this matter. I am fortunate enough to attend some of the best educational institutions that our country has to offer. A good proportion of my more academically capable classmates have gone abroad for their education, either on scholarships or on their rather significant family fortunes. We still meet up for dinners or drinks on their vacations back home to sunny Singapore. While this may be a very biased opinion but till date, no one from this group of friends have expressed disappointment or regret in their decision to leave. While some of them have indeed returned, no one that I know had done so due of career prospects or quality of life etc. They returned because of their roots, of their family ties. One wonders if the parents were able to uproot from Singapore, will there any other reason for our brightest to return to their nest here?

Anyway, we are sidetracking from my friend's issue. My point is that since banks and CPF are willing to lend money for local education and purchases of over-priced condominiums, I cannot see any rational reason for refusing to do so for my friend, who in my humble opinion and experience, is making at least as good an investment as the former two. The measurement of risk locally is flawed. It is based on local assumptions and projections, without any global consideration. Risk is justified simply based on the fact that since "everyone in Singapore is doing it, it cannot be wrong" mentality. Talk to your friends now that you are thinking of going abroad for an education for a year, they will exclaim at your courage and endeavour in this time of uncertainty. Tell the same group of friends that you want to buy a HDB or condo that cost easily 3-5 times more, they will say that its a worthwhile investment since "property is quite cheap now".

Everything is upside-down here. A good friend is hoping his brother, who is studying in Australia because he cannot get into a decent course in our prestigous universities, will be able to apply Australian PR for him and his family because he is not qualified enough to do so.

I have a feeling that someone somewhere Down-Under is laughing at the irony of it all in upside-down Singapore.

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5 mins before train wreck

"The boy ran up and down the railway track, having the time of his life. 'I will do this until I am grown up, strong and healthy, before I find other amusements", thought the little boy. In a distance, the train tearing on at full steam towards the unknowing boy."

This is a rather clumsy analogy to my circumstance but have I in some way, rather accurately prophetized my future fate? Am I the stupid boy that continues to play on the tracks despite the oncoming train? Will I be too late to jump out of the way when the train is upon me, headlights flashing and horns blaring in my face?

The proverbial killing train will be carrying the incorrigible old man, sheer weight of opportunity costs and the paralysing fear of change. I can see it, smell it and calculate the probability. Should I make a move now?

I think I can hear the train's roar in the distance .................

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